In 2014, this song was my attempt at writing a “plain old love song” like everyone else, when I was insecure that none of my songs were about things real humans cared about.
Also relevant: I had an open sore on my right thumb for five years (roughly 2006 to 2011). The medical term, ulcer, usually refers to a slow-healing wound caused by an infection, poor blood circulation, or another physical problem—but in my case, the cause was anxiety. I picked at my thumb ulcer several times a day, negating any progress it may have mustered in the meantime. My hideous, perpetually bloody, oozing, misery-encrusted wound didn’t start to heal until a few months after I graduated and moved to Brooklyn.
lyrics
I want to make a list of all the things I long to tell you
I want to be a part of all the things I know are part of you
why are you so lovely
and so afraid of losing everything
but I do not have the luxury
of being so demure when this
uncertainty is killing me much sooner
than the end I know that's coming
oh my god
oh my god
without you I am scar tissue
I want to be terrible with you
why can't there be more to think than this?
every hour the same
how could I be half as smart as you?
how can it be I am so uncouth?
why can't there be more to me than this bad news?
every day the same thumb ulcer
why are you so lovely
and so afraid of feeling everything
are you sure it’s such a shame that I could love you, too
the way the other violets do
still pining for someone like you
aloof like puddles on the moon
a coterie of shining spoons
a little bright, and very rude
a little sass to damn all fools
oh my god
oh my god
credits
from spit,
released April 4, 2019
comfort Cat – song, vocals, ukulele, violin, mixing
Another fantastic release from the mighty Sahel Sounds label, this soundtrack turns desert blues into exploratory ambient soundscapes. Bandcamp New & Notable Nov 3, 2018